Alone In This Together
by antidote224
Summary: When Finn seeks out Tina after her outburst in Glee Club, old history resurfaces and they are forced to rethink what they thought was true love. New friendships are formed and the New Directions prepare to say goodbye. What is true love?
1. Chapter 1

**This is basically the farthest I've ever gotten with a fic EVER. I have two more chapters already done, so if there is demand, I'll publish those and continue. I love, love, love this pairing and these characters. Everything belongs to Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, Fox, whatever. It's not mine.**

Tina Cohen-Chang was crying.

Again.

Honestly, she had never been so angry with Michael Robert Chang. She had been overlooked in Glee Club for three years, and the one time she says something about it, she gets lectures from everyone else? Sure, Rachel was a senior, but why didn't anyone give her a chance when they were both underclassmen? Why didn't anyone stick up for her when Rachel threw a fit over 'Tonight'? Why didn't anyone ever acknowledge that they had won sectionals with her as the lead female vocalist this year? No one even noticed when she was gone and she honestly doubted anyone would care. In fact, she didn't think anyone would have cared today if Finn hadn't said anything.

Who did Rachel Berry think she was, talking to her as if she was a silly freshman? Rachel acted as if she, Tina, were being selfish when Tina was one of two (along with Artie) of the original members who had never quit the club. She was honestly tired of it. She never abandoned them to join the Troubletones, even though she was _never_ granted with even being featured in a song, much less getting an entire solo in front of anyone besides the club. Those other girls had nothing to complain about. Santana had soloed at sectionals before, and Mercedes had certainly carried them through some competitions and was always acknowledged as one of the most powerful members of the club. Even Quinn and Sam had gotten to do a duet for sectionals, while her, Kurt, and Artie had never even been considered, despite their loyalty and talent. Even Mike and Puck were hardly recognized for never quitting.

So it was with rage that Tina played piano in the auditorium that day before heading to the mall for costume supplies. It was a mixture of ancient and modern, of classical and original. It probably didn't sound very good, but she just needed to be moving and she needed to get the anger out of her. The only way to do it was music, and she did _not_ feel like singing at the moment. Every song was played with a passion she rarely felt, and the end of each song was met by the beginning of another; there were no breaks.

Finally, Tina gave up. The anger was still deeply rooted, and the music had only alleviated some of the pressure that had been building for literally years. She needed to sing, but she sobbed instead. It seemed as though all of the resentment and anger she'd felt towards the club was being released now; resentment towards Rachel Berry especially, the girl who got everything Tina ever dreamed of, including-.

"You're really good at piano," said a voice from the other end of the stage.

Tina gasped and nearly fell off the bench when she jumped at the noise. She hadn't heard anyone enter, but she had been playing pretty loudly towards the end.

"Thanks," she replied.

"How long have you been playing?" asked Finn.

She looked at the tall boy approaching her and felt a familiar stir in her stomach that she hadn't felt in years.

"About eight years. I started lessons when I was around ten."

He nodded. "I started playing drums around then, too."

"I know." She just stared at him, then finally blurted out, "Why are you here?"

Finn looked around nervously, as if afraid to say why. "Well, I was worried about you. I worry about you a lot, Tina. You know that."

Tina took a deep breath and tried to suppress the memories that were trying to fight there way to the surface of her mind.

"Remember middle school?" he asked her, and she laughed.

"Of course I do." She turned to smile at him and found gazing at her with a small, crooked smile. She blushed and looked down at the keys.

"I don't think I would have gotten through eighth grade without you. I don't think I could have had a better English tutor. I mean, it was kind of embarrassing at first, but then I realized that you're a genius."

She scoffed. "Maybe when I was in seventh grade, but I've been pretty average in high school."

"Don't lie to me. I know for a fact that you're the best writer in this school. Rachel always gets all huffy when you do better than her in AP English since you're a grade below her. I think even Quinn used to talk about it."

"Well, that's English. Unfortunately, you need other things to graduate, and I'm woefully average in everything else."

"Something tells me you're too hard on yourself. It's not like The Brainiacs got to nationals with anyone 'average' on the team."

Tina said nothing to this, unable to form words. The memories were coming back to her now, of the time she and Finn had spent together when she tutored him in English when he was in eighth grade and she was in seventh. Neither of them had been very pleased with the arrangement, but Finn needed help to pass and Tina didn't want to start high school with a record number of detentions under her belt for skipping and insubordination, which is what would have happened if she didn't agree to tutor as an alternative.

"What happened after I left?"

Finn sighed and sat next to her on the piano bench. "Well, Coach Sylvester said something ridiculous that I can't remember, and Mr. Schue was just kind of confused. Artie seemed to agree with you, though." Tina nodded, unsurprised that Artie was on her side. He usually was, despite their somewhat-ugly breakup. "Mike was just really quiet in the corner and Santana was just rambling about how she's been saying for years that Rachel gets too much attention and-."

"Well, it's not like Santana has never had solos before."

"That's what me and Sam said."

Tina turned to him in surprise. "Really? You agree with me?"

"Well, I love Rachel, but anyone who's paid attention for the past few years can see that you've been pretty unappreciated."

"Even Sam agreed?"

"Yeah. He got pretty fired up, actually. Kinda like he was just realizing it. I think a lot of them hadn't realized how long you've been around. Mike and Mercedes were giving Sam some dirty looks, though. I think Mike thinks he's got some competition," he nudged her shoulder and she turned to see him smirking.

"He's ridiculous. He called me selfish," she added, anger welling up inside of her again.

"Well, I wouldn't call it selfish,"

"Then what _would _you call it?" Tina demanded, beginning to feel her anger threaten to slip from her control.

"Not selfish!" he said hastily. "Just sort of frustrating since it's at a time when there's not really room to move or make amends until next year."

"Why, because Rachel messed up an audition?" Her voice was getting louder and Finn was visibly nervous.

"Well, to be honest, yes." She began to protest, but he cut her off. "Wait, Tina. I'm just saying that even though it's not anyone else's fault that Rachel messed up, why does her future have to be dictated by a bad day? If it wasn't our senior year, and if Rachel wasn't my fiancée, I would tell you to fight for that solo. But that's not the case."

Tina felt tears prickling in her eyes, and she began to feel hot from anger.

"It's not fair," she said, wincing at how childish she sounded. "I've been here since the beginning. I was _never_ worried about being popular or my reputation. I just wanted to sing. That's _all_ I wanted. I gave up on everything, and all I asked was to do the _one_ thing I enjoy and Rachel took that away from me!" She sobbed now, and buried her face in her hands. She felt Finn wrap his arms around her, causing flashbacks of seventh grade to surface.

"Rachel took everything from me," she whispered, so quietly she wasn't even sure she said it.

Finn stopped patting her back and held her away so that he could see her.

"What do you mean, everything?"

Tina mentally scolded herself for letting that slip.

"It's nothing," she said, wiping away her tears and getting up to leave. "I have to go to the mall for fabric."

Finn touched her arm lightly. "Wait. Talk to me. Like you used to,"

Tina looked at him and finally felt the control on her emotions snap.

"Like you care!"

Finn backed away from her, shocked. "Tina, wha-."

"Oh, please, like you haven't ignored me since you passed eighth grade English. Like you didn't just leave me when you got what you needed out of me."

"Tina, please-."

"I told you everything, Finn! I thought you were my friend! And as soon as you got to high school, you just stopped talking to me and focused on football and Quinn Fabray!"

Finn stopped trying to talk and looked down at his shoes.

"And God forbid you acknowledge my existence when _I_ start high school! God forbid you help me out around the school or at least try to stop your friends from throwing slushies in my face! And goodness, God forbid you at least _try_ to become my friend again once you joined Glee!"

He looked up at her and she could see in his eyes that he felt awful. But she couldn't stop now that she'd begun.

"Jesus, Finn, once again, I was there for you. I got so happy when you showed up in Glee rehearsal that day because I thought you were changing. I didn't know you were there for fucking _detention_!"

"Tina, I tried,"

"How, Finn? How the _fuck_ did you try to be my friend? You've spoken to me about just as much as you've spoken to everyone else!"

"Well, it's a two-way street, Tina!"

Tina stopped, shocked at his outburst. He was standing now, too, and he was staring at her with anger and sadness in his eyes.

"I know that I was an idiot freshman year, okay? I know that I was stupid and mean and vapid. I know that I shouldn't have pushed you away and I should've gone to see you like I used to. And don't even get me started on how much I wish I had tried talking to you sophomore year. But when I started Glee, you could have talked to me, too!"

"Oh, so it's _my_ responsibility to talk to the popular guy? _I'm_ supposed to take the chance of trying to strike up conversation when I could very well be slushied just for trying?"

"No, but it wasn't totally _my_ responsibility either, Tina! _Neither_ of us tried to get back to the way we were! I thought you hated me!"

"I called you _every night!_" Tina cried, tears escaping and sobs trying to break free. "I sent you e-mails and went to your first football game! And you _ignored_ me! Like you didn't even _know_ me!" She was full on sobbing and sat back down on the piano bench. She remembered that cold day when she'd cheered on Finn in his first game as a McKinley High School freshman. She'd walked up to him after the game, caught his eye, and felt her heart break as he turned away without even a nod or wave of recognition.

There was a very long pause and Tina could almost feel electricity between them from the yelling they'd just done. She looked up at him and saw that he was looking past her to the depths of the stage. He looked very much like he was trying not to cry.

Finally, he croaked, "I'm sorry." He went to sit next to her on the bench and Tina could feel him shaking next to her. There a sob and he said, "I'm sorry, I'm so, so fucking sorry," Now it was Tina's turn to hold him and she couldn't even bring herself to yell at him anymore. She remembered the night before his final English exam.

They had been studying at his house while his mom was on the late shift at the hospital. He was having trouble paying attention until Tina had finally gotten angry with him.

"You need to get a C to pass and graduate!" she'd yelled as he drummed against the table with his fingers. He'd stopped and turned to yell at her, making her jump,

"You think I don't know that? I'm not going to pass! I'm stupid! I'm going to be stuck in middle school forever!" He had then started crying, surprising her. She had held him, just like she was four years later.

"It's okay," she whispered to him now, trying to calm him down. She felt awful, but better, somehow. It was all out there. Well, almost.

"What did you mean, Tina? How did Rachel take everything from you?" He was looking up at her with wet, bloodshot eyes now and Tina knew that she probably looked worse.

"I really liked you, Finn." She whispered, feeling an enormous weight fall off of her as she admitted this secret she had never told anyone. "And I was going to tell you before you started high school, but I got scared. Then you stopped talking to me and you started dating Quinn and I knew I didn't have a chance," she stopped and took a deep breath. Finn was frozen next to her. "Then I found out Rachel and Kurt liked you and I just couldn't stand to even consider that you might want to even be my friend again, much less…more. Not while Rachel was an option and Kurt was one of my only friends."

She didn't dare move or look towards him. Finn's breathing was audibly changed, as though he were trying to make it sound normal. Though she stared at the keys, she could finally see him turn in her peripheral vision. She chanced a look and saw the most heartbreaking look in his eyes. He looked conflicted and confused and, worst of all, incomparably sad.

She turned back to the keys and began to ramble. "Of course, I got over it. I love Mike. I love him a lot and it's very obvious that you love Rachel. You-you asked what I meant, and at the time, I liked you a lot, so it felt like she t-took everything away from me. I don't feel that way anymore, of course, I d-don't imagine you ever did, and w-wow I thought I didn't st-stutter and I must be really nervous to actually be d-doing it-,"

To her immense surprise, Finn had taken her chin in his hand and directed her back towards him. She saw the conflict in his eyes again, but this time, there was something else there. Something like determination.

He leaned down and kissed her.

At first, she gasped and froze. After a moment, however, she gave in and pressed her lips against his, feeling his part slightly at her pressure. His lips were surprisingly soft and definitely powerful. Her seventh-grade-self was cheering inside, while her junior-year-self was freaking out with confusion and anger. He tangled a hand in her hair and she took his face in her hands and all of those voices floated away as she was captured in this moment with Finn and no one else.

It was like feeling her world click together. Where she had felt butterflies with Artie, there were birds of prey fluttering in her stomach, overwhelming her with feeling. Where her heart had beat quickly with Mike, it was now positively, utterly still with shock. She could almost feel Finn's heart beating wildly beneath her hand that was now on his chest. It was beating as if it were beating for both of them.

It seemed as if their bodies were moving of the own accord. Tina moved closer to Finn, straddling the piano bench and roughly pressing her body into him. He moved into the same position and pulled her nearly on top of him so that almost every inch of their bodies were flush together. His neck was still craned down to kiss her and she moved all the way into his lap so that their faces were much closer together. Their kiss was now hungry, both of them gasping for air and Tina's heart now beating absolutely frantically. Now she was pushing his button-down flannel off of his shoulders, unsure what she aiming for but feeling it was necessary nonetheless.

Finn's hand left her hair and began to trace circles on her back, almost dancing across her spine-

Dancing. Mike.

She pulled away violently, almost falling off the piano bench.

"What are we doing? Oh God, what are we doing?"

Finn seemed to wake up, too, and looked horrified.

"Oh shit. Oh fuck, I'm sorry, Tina, oh my God,"

"No, it was both of us-,"

"No, I kissed _you,_"

"It's okay, it going to be okay," Tina felt awful. She was rambling for real now, and so was Finn, but neither was absorbing what the other was saying. Tina realized she had Finn's shirt in her hand still and threw it at him with a small yelp, as though she were holding a smoking gun. He hurriedly put it back on and spent at least a minute trying to regulate his breathing, which had become rather ragged.

"Are you okay?"

"I have asthma," Finn managed to get out between deep breathes. Tina was shocked.

"What? But you're an athlete, and you sing and stuff,"

"It doesn't make me immobile," he said, a smirk playing at his mouth even through the heavy breathing. Tina was silent as he finally calmed down.

"I must have overwhelmed myself," he said, weakly. "I've never gotten an attack from being excited, but I suppose that wasn't too bad. I didn't need my inhaler. That's what I get for forgetting my Advair today." He let out a dry laugh.

"I never knew."

"Not many people do. Just my coaches and my mom and the school nurse do, I think. I don't even know if Rachel knows…" he trailed off at the mention of his fiancée. "Maybe we should go."

"Yes, we should," Tina nodded and hastily began to make her way to the exit before realizing she had left all of her things behind. She turned on her heel and found Finn a few yards behind her, holding her backpack and sweater. She took them from him, trying to avoid his eyes. She failed and ended up not being able to look away from him.

"'Bye, Finn." She said softly, still looking into his eyes.

"See ya," he managed to get out, even softer than her.

Neither moved for almost a minute. Finally, Tina slowly turned away and walked out of the auditorium and out to the parking lot where her car was parked next to Finn's old truck. Theirs were the only cars in the lost. She quickly got into the driver's seat, throwing her things into the back and turning her key in the ignition roughly. She saw him walk to his own driver's seat, pointedly avoiding looking at her. Giving him one last look, she turned to the pavement and drove away to make Rachel Berry look good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two is here! There might be typos, but whatevs. In case you didn't know, the story's title comes from the song "Alone in This Together" by Star Anna and the Laughing Dogs. Check it out, it's a beautiful tune! **

**PS What are your opinions on the Tina/Sam friendship? I like it a lot and I really think they'd be a good fit. Can you guess what the surprise for him is going to be? **

It was the day before they left for Nationals when Sam Evans showed up on Tina's doorstep.

She was putting some finishing touches to the Nationals dresses when there was a knock at her door. She was surprised at the noise since both of her parents were gone for the weekend in Tampa and neither Kurt nor Mercedes had said anything about visiting her. Mike was helping Mr. Schue develop more complex choreography for 'Paradise by the Dashboard Light', so couldn't have been stopping by. Artie didn't go to other people's houses very often, and Rachel was off practicing her solos with a new fire in her ever since Tina had taken her to see Carmen Tibideaux. Therefore, Tina was expecting a Bible salesman or someone with the wrong address, not the blond boy who had hardly spoken to her in two years.

"Hey, Tina," he said, wearing his signature grin that was almost comically wide.

"Uh, hi, Sam…are you looking for Mike or something?"

"Oh, uh, no! I wanted to talk to you, if that's okay?" he was still smiling, and Tina found it almost unnerving, though admittedly charming.

"Sure, come in. I'm just finishing up the dresses for Nationals."

She led him down the hallway to the spare bedroom that had, over time, been converted into an art room for Tina where she now designed, tailored, and made clothes. She was self-conscious as they walked down the grandiose halls of the house her mother had inherited from her favorite great-aunt. People often got the impression she was rich from her house, which had always made her uncomfortable, but even moreso in front of Sam, who had been homeless.

He let out a whistle as they entered the room. "Did you make all of this?" he asked, staring around the room at the numerous designs tacked to the walls and several dresses and shirts that were currently pinned to mannequins.

"Well, I didn't get put in charge of costumes for nothing." She allowed herself a fond look at the many creations she'd made since she'd discovered the passion. "I get most of my fabric from old clothes and secondhand stores, and sometimes I just alter something that's already been made. I got the mannequins from this boutique that closed a couple of months ago."

"Wow…that's awesome. You know, I actually kind of design stuff, too," she looked at him in surprise and he continued quickly. "I mean, not that anyone knows this, but I've kind of been working on this comic series for a long time."

"Really?" Tina asked, a bit incredulous.

Sam was really smiling now. "Yeah! And, well, I had to design costumes for the characters and stuff. It's pretty fun. But I suppose it would be more fun if I got to actually make them," he said, looking around the room again, admiring her work.

Tina swelled with pride at the hard work she'd put into all of the outfits surrounding her. She went to sit at the table she'd been working at and tapped the seat next to her, gesturing for Sam to sit down. He did and just watched her for a minute before either of them said anything.

"You know, not to seem rude, but why are you here?" Tina asked, trying not to sound confrontational.

"Oh! Right. Well, I just wanted to come see if you were okay, really. I mean, after I thought about it, all of that stuff you said was true. You've been really ignored, at least since I've been there."

Tina blushed now. She had since become a bit embarrassed of her outburst.

"I-I was overreacting, I'm fine."

"No, you weren't! It's true. Then after I thought about it, I thought how much it sucks that I sang at sectionals the first year I was there and you just got featured _this_ year, and it wasn't even for very long."

Tina shrugged. "Well, we all have roles to play, I guess."

"No, Tina!" She looked up in shock to see him wearing an expression of exasperation. "You deserve to feel needed, too!"

"I _do_, Sam, I'm making our costum-,"

"Come on, Tina, costumes? You said it yourself, 'like that's some prize,'"

"I was being irrational."

"You weren't," he said firmly. He put his hand over hers, stopping her meticulous stitching. "You were telling the truth, and you didn't even say everything that needed to be said. Mike told me how you got him into college."

Tina ducked her head and pulled her hand away to continue her work. "I just sent in his applications. And that has nothing to do with Glee Club,"

"Yes, it does. You know it does. Do you really think Mike would still be in the club if he didn't think his dancing was worth it?"

"Probably not," she admitted.

"Half of our dancing improvement is due to him, Tina. And don't pretend like you haven't kept him going ever since you two got together."

Thoughts of her time with Finn in the auditorium made guilt stir in her and she quickly concentrated on the work in her hands.

"Thanks for checking on me, Sam, but I promise that I'm fine. I just needed to get that all out of my system and I'm happy to be doing this for the team. I know I'll have my shot next year."

"That doesn't change how we treated you the other years-"

"Well, nothing can change that, right? It's in the past. I'll get over it when I'm in New York or LA or something. Far from here and far from McKinley High."

Sam was quiet, but didn't seem to be leaving.

"Are you going to hate us?" he asked after a while.

Tina looked up in shock. "What? No! I could never hate any of you," she looked away, embarrassed. "You're the only friends I've got. Well, my only friends are in New Directions, anyway." She didn't look up at Sam, but felt him staring at her.

"Tina?" he asked, and she hummed in reply. "Can we…I mean…can we be friends?"

She looked up in surprise yet again. This boy seemed to always have something unusual to say. "Friends? You want to be friends with me?"

He smiled at her. "Yes. I do. I mean, pretty much everyone is leaving me this year. Finn and Kurt are going to New York, I hope, who knows where Puck will be, and Mercedes is going to college or wherever she decides…I guess I just know how you feel. Losing your closest friends and your girlfriend…well, boyfriend."

Tina looked at him for a long moment, feeling a sense of kinship to this boy already. It wouldn't be the first unusual relationship in her life. It wasn't like she'd had a ton of football playing suitors lined up at her door before Mike. Sometimes the most beautiful friendships sprouted in the most unlikely places. Just look at Kurt and Finn or Kurt and Puck or Quinn and Rachel. So it was with a broad grin that she responded to Sam.

"Of course, Sam. I can't think of a better way to get through senior year."

A dopey smile lit up his face and she couldn't help but continue to smile at him. Suddenly her phone buzzed from her pocket. She pulled it out and looked at it, surprised to see that she had a text message from Finn Hudson. She didn't open it, but she couldn't stop a small frown from crossing her features.

"What's wrong?" asked Sam, bending forward nosily.

"Nothing, just a text from Finn," she said, decided not to lie about that.

"Finn? I didn't know you two were texting buddies." Sam was giving her a curious look, but she convinced herself she was imagining it.

"We're not. I used to tutor him in English and he probably just needs help on some final papers before we leave for Chicago." She didn't dare look at Sam. Something told her this boy was a lot like her, empathetic and able to tell a lie apart from the truth quickly.

Sam said nothing while she finished stitching a bow onto the last dress. She turned to look at him and saw his eyebrows scrunched together in thought. She laughed nervously.

"What's wrong, Sam? You look like you're about to blow."

"What's really going on, Tina?" he asked suddenly, taking her aback.

"I don't know what you're-"

"Cut it out, Tina. Finn has been acting weird for days, avoiding everyone, not signing onto Call of Duty at night. You've been super quiet and really nice to Rachel, helping her and stuff. And now he's sending texts to you when I know that he asked Quinn for help on his finals yesterday."

"I don't see how that automatically means something happened-"

"I know when people are lying to me, Tina."

"Oh, you knew Quinn was lying to you last year when she made out with Finn? It seemed to take you long enough to get mad at her about it." She felt awful after she said it, but it didn't seem to bother him enough for him to get angry with her. She kept going. "Come on, Sam; Finn and I don't even hang out or talk."

"He disappeared on Monday, after you stormed out."

She felt her lies closing in on her now.

"I-I don't know anything about that."

"Stop, Tina!" He wasn't yelling angrily, just with frustration. "Just tell me the truth. Or at least let me know I'm a little right, because I'm pretty proud that I managed to put that together. Rachel was worried sick about him, saying that he was supposed to meet her to work on his acting school audition at our house. She didn't even fathom that you'd be together, but I know better. He was the one to notice you were walking out and he was the first one out of the choir room after rehearsal."

Tina couldn't say anything. She'd probably think of a ton of excuses for all of the things he'd said later, but at the moment, she couldn't think of anything and promptly burst into tears, telling Sam everything, starting with their tutoring sessions in middle school. He was a fantastic listener, nodding in the right places, looking disgusted when Finn ignored her at the football game, and betraying no emotion when she finally got to the auditorium.

When she finally finished, he didn't say anything for a bit. Finally, he let out a low whistle and said, "I don't think anyone in there knows that you two have a history. Damn, Tina. Are you okay?"

"I feel awful and guilty and confused! Why would I do that? Why the fuck would I think that was okay?" She felt hysterical.

"Maybe you should talk to Mercedes about-"

"No. Absolutely not."

"She's been where you are, Tina! She knows that confusion."

"I didn't even mean to tell you. All of this was a mistake. Not telling you, but the fact that it happened, the fact that I _cheated_ on the man I love, the fact that I had something to tell you in the first place."

"Will you please just consider it? She won't judge you. I'm not judging you. I was just worried about you. And like I said, I want to be your friend while we still have a year left together."

She didn't realize that she was crying until Sam pulled her into a hug and patted her hair. She hugged him back tightly; she was amazed that someone who barely knew her could care so much. She was angry with herself for wasting two years of Sam's company and resolved to make sure they at least hung out a few times before they began their own senior year. Then a thought came to her.

"Wait. Where are you living next year? I mean, Finn and Kurt will probably both be gone."

They had ended their hug and he had a small smile on his face. "Burt and Carole said I could stay with them senior year, no matter if Finn is there or not. So did Mercedes' parents, since she'll be gone most of the time. But I think I'm going to stay with the Hudson-Hummels. Burt said he could give me a job in the tire shop and I could pay them if I really think I need to."

"That's so great, Sam." Tina smiled at him, truly happy that they found themselves in such an odd situation together now.

"I'm really happy. I mean, in spite of everything, I love McKinley and Lima. I met Mercedes here, I found out that I love singing, I made some of my best friends…I don't think I can finish high school anywhere else."

Tina pulled him back into another hug. "I'm glad I met you, Sam Evans. I'm really excited to get to know you better." She smiled into his shoulder and knew that he was smiling, too.

About ten minutes later, Sam left with the promise that Tina would think about talking to Mercedes and that he would let her read his comic book sometime. Privately, she was planning a surprise for him.

After another few minutes, she remembered the text from Finn that had started her spontaneous confessional to Sam.

_Can you meet me tonight at my house? I have to talk to you and it's only Sam and me here. I'll tell him you're tutoring me. Wouldn't be the first time ;)_

Tina couldn't breathe for a moment. She and Sam had only just begun their friendship and she didn't want him to look down on her if she showed up at their house tonight. Besides, he knew everything and probably wouldn't like being lied to by her so quickly after she had opened up to him. With the resolution that they would only talk and nothing more, she texted him back:

_How about you come to my house? No one's here and you won't have to lie to Sam. Talking only. _

She sent it, took a deep breath, and tried not to shake as she moved onto another dress that needed a bow. The reply came quickly and she couldn't help but give her phone a small smile.

_See you then._

Having Finn go to her house to avoid Sam proved pointless, however.

_"Sam, I'm scared."_

_ "Tina?"_

_ "Of course it's Tina. Finn's coming over; what do I do?"_

_ "Finn's going to your house? Why?"_

_ "He said he wants to talk."_

_ "Then talk to him, Tina, geez."_

_ "Like I said, I'm scared."_

_ "What do you want me to do?"  
"Text me every couple of minutes? I don't know. I need to make sure I don't do anything?"_

_ "…"  
"Sam?"_

_ "Do you want to do something with him?"_

_ "I…I don't know. I say that I don't, but I would have said that a couple of days ago, too, and look where I am now."_

_ "Finn's an honest guy, Tina. Minus the whole cheating thing…anyway, if he says he wants to talk, then he wants to talk. You have nothing to be afraid of if your intentions are just to talk."_

_ "You're right. I'm overreacting."_

_ "It's okay."_

_ "So will you still please just check in with me? If you're not too busy, of course."_

_ "Definitely. I'll text you, say, every fifteen minutes?"_

_ "Ugh, maybe I should have just gone to your house instead. Then you could have actually _been_ there."_

_ "What?"_

_ "Nevermind. I'll tell you some other time."_

_ "Okay, whatever."_

_ "Oh my God, that's the doorbell. He's here."_

_ "Okay, Tina, listen: you'll be fine. Just work on the dresses while you talk to him so he can't pull any…funny business."_

_ "Right. Okay. Right."_

_ "With great power comes great responsibility, Tina."_

_ "What?"_

_ "Spider-man? No? I'm always looking for a reason to use that quote. Guess I haven't quite got it yet."_

_ "I'll talk to you later, Sam. And thanks. For everything today."_

_ "No problem. Stay golden, Ponyboy."_

_ "Oh God, bye."_

Tina was smiling as she hung up the phone. _'That kid is such a dork,' _she thought as she walked to the door and opened it with a shaking hand.

Finn stood outside, looking just as nervous as she felt. He had his hands in his pockets and he was hunched ever so slightly, looking at everything except her.  
"Come in," she said, stepping aside.

He walked into her house and continued his refusal to make eye contact by looking at the pictures lining the walls as if they were the most interesting things he had ever seen.

"I'm still working on the last of the dresses, so is it sew while we talk?"

He nodded and looked at her for the first time. In that moment, Tina felt a warm feeling spread through her whole body as she stared into his eyes, full of apprehension and what looked like benevolence. She knew that he looked at everyone this way, as if everyone he met somehow managed to hold a place in his heart. This look, however, had something more beneath the surface, and she couldn't tell if it was pain or love. She hoped it was the former, but knew from experience that it could be both.

She led him to her design room and he stared around in wonder, just as Sam had. Tina sat down and patted the seat where Sam had been. Finn slowly made his way to her, seemingly trying to take in every detail of the clothes and designs surrounding him.

"So what did you-," she began. Finn quickly cut her off.

"I think I might be in love with you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for the long wait! I plan to respond to reviews soon and am so happy with the response I'm getting! This (along with the other two chapters) aren't beta'd, so sorry if they're a bit mediocre :) This chapter varies from Tina at the end and follows Finn for a bit. I hope you like it and leave reviews! ;)**

**Follow me on tumblr, my url is charlibaudelaire :)**

"You must be joking."

Tina was frozen mid-stitch, staring at the needle poking through the fabric as though wondering how it had gotten there in the first place.

"I can't stop thinking about you, Tina. Ever since we kissed, I get this guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach when I'm with Rachel, like I'm lying to her or something,"

"That's because you _are._ You cheated on her."

Finn let out a frustrated sigh. "No, I mean…I feel like I'm lying when I'm kissing her or when we're planning the wedding or when we…never mind. The point is that," he paused and mindlessly touched the dress in front of him, running his hand along the seams. "I don't know if I can be with her anymore while wanting _you_ so much."

"This is _my_ fault? You kissed me!" cried Tina indignantly, throwing down the dress.

"I didn't say that! And I _know _that I kissed you, that's why this is so confusing!" He put his head in hands and leaned over against the table. She'd seen him in this position so often: when he came across a problem when writing essays in eighth grade English, when she'd watched him doing his work in geometry, when particularly distressed in Glee; it was like watching him fold in on himself.

"Finn," she said, putting a tentative hand on his shoulder. "It was a mistake."

Her pocket buzzed and she was almost surprised to see it was from Sam, despite their planning only a few minutes before.

_You okay?_

She quickly responded: _Yes. We're just talking right now, as promised._

"I love Rachel so much, Tina. God, when I think about how much I love her, I start getting this funny feeling in my stomach like that time Kurt made me watch The Notebook with him and they die together at the end. Like that love is so strong I can feel it from far away." He was staring at the wall across from them now, though she could tell that he wasn't really _seeing_ anything.

"But I'm confused. You said you thought you were in love with me."

"I'm getting to that," he said, turning to her quickly and boring his eyes into her with such conviction that she couldn't bring herself to look away. "When I kissed you the other day, it was like something I had never felt before. Like someone lit a fire under me. I never felt that with anyone before. When I kissed Quinn, it was like fireworks and when I kissed Rachel, it was like melting or something, like we fit together well. But kissing you was like…healing or something. Like I didn't even know I was hurt until you were fixing me.

And I know that we're both in love with other people, and I've liked two girls at once before, but now I think I'm in _love_ with both of you and it's really scaring me because that's not good for anyone."

Tina couldn't breathe. Somehow, _Finn _had managed to put into words her exact feelings. She felt her eyes beginning to burn and prickle and she quickly wiped away the tears that managed to escape, though she still could not tear her gaze away from his. In that moment, it felt like his confession had built a fragile gold cocoon around them, and if she moved even an inch, it would shatter.

"Finn, I…since when were you the one who was good with words?"

"Do you love me?" He leaned closer to her, his eyes begging her for the right answer, but she really didn't know what he would consider a good response.

"Okay, Finn, listen, I know you think you're in love with me, but you just love everyone, it doesn't mean-,"

"You're not answering me, Tina."

She took in a breath and felt like her head was full of little half-thoughts, buzzing around and running into each other, making it impossible for her to form a full one, much less put it into words.

"There's a special place in my heart for you, Finn," she finally said, trying to choose her words very carefully. "And I certainly love you. But I love everyone in glee club. All I know is that Mike got me through some rough times, and I got him through some rough times, and we both broke hearts so we could be together. I can't just forget that and I say that I'm in love with you."

"So you _do_ love me, too?" he said triumphantly.

"Of course I do, but I didn't say-,"

"Doesn't matter," he interrupted, a small smile on his face. "You can pretend like I don't mean anything to you, like that kiss was just a fluke or a mistake, but I can see in your eyes that you are _just_ as confused as I am."

They said nothing for at least a minute, but they didn't break the eye contact. It was one of the strangest minutes of Tina's life. Although they didn't say anything and although neither of them even moved, it was the air around them was full of everything they needed to say. It was more intimate than their kiss and she had a feeling that she might feel worse about this.

Finally, she looked away and the cocoon was shattered. She let out breath that she didn't know she'd been holding and heard him do the same as she stared at the dress she was almost finished with, lying abandoned on the table.

She cleared her throat and said, "I think you should go, Finn."

"But Tina," he protested, "we're not done with this."

"No, we are. I can't do this, Finn. Do you understand? I can't _do_ this!" She broke and began to cry in earnest and buried her face in her hands.

"Tina, we need to talk about this! You can't keep pushing me away!"

"Finn!" she yelled, looking at him and hurt in his eyes. "I can't handle this! I can't talk to you about whether I love you or not because I love _Mike_ and Mike loves _me_ and he respects me and would do anything for me!"

"I can do that, too!"

"Are you forgetting about Rachel? Your _fiancée_? You know, the girl you proposed to who was willing to give up New York if your dreams were bigger?"

He looked like she'd slapped him. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he spoke. "How do you know about that?"

"That doesn't matter," (Kurt had told her). "What matters is that we are _wasting_ our _time_. We both have people we love and people who love us back. Are you going to sit here and look me in the eye and tell me that you want to give up Rachel and watch me give up the man I have been with for almost two whole years? Is that what you want, Finn? You want us to throw away what _works_?"

"Jesus, Tina! I just want you to be sure!" His eyes were shining, but there was determined glint in them. "And you know what? Fine. I'll leave. But don't you pretend like this is one-sided. Don't make me feel like I'm stupid for throwing it all out there. Everyone else makes me feel like an idiot, but I wish you wouldn't."

At that, he got up out of his chair and stormed out of the room. She heard her front door slam, then his car door. As she heard him pulling away, she lifted the unfinished dress in front of her with shaking hands. After a few seconds, she threw it down again and laid her head on the table over her folded arms. She sobbed into her hair and didn't even bother to check her buzzing phone.

* * *

"Tina!"

Tina awoke with a shock at the sound of her name, surprised to see Sam standing in her door with a worried, but relieved look on his face.

"Sam? Wha-what are you doing here?" she asked, rubbing her eyes and yawning. "God, I didn't even realize I fell asleep,"

"I was worried about you! You didn't text me back and so I figured you and Finn were fooling around or something," ("Hey!" she said.) "But then he came back and he looked all sad and I got worried. So I figured I'd wait an hour before coming to check on you."

She smiled at him guiltily. "Thanks for worrying, Sam. I'm sorry."

He smiled back at her. "It's fine. Really. I'm a big brother; I worry a lot. It's actually kind of ridiculous," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"No, it's okay. You're a good brother." She saw him smile proudly and felt herself swell a bit with happiness for saying something that made him happy.

He went to sit by her again. "So what happened?"

"Well, it didn't really go very well." Tina tried to continue, but found that she couldn't. Sam just patted her hand and nodded.

"You don't have to talk about it yet. We have all summer and more for that," he looked at his watch. "Also, you should probably pack if you haven't, along with finishing these dresses."

Tina sat up straighter and looked around wildly. "What time is it?"

"Midnight," Sam replied, a smirk playing around his lips.

"Dammit! I still have two more dresses, AND I have to pack!"

"I can help you," Sam offered.

"No offense, but I don't trust _anyone_ with these bows."

"I wouldn't trust me either."

Tina let out a short laugh and thought for a moment. "Well, actually, you could do me a favor. Follow me," she said, getting up quickly and striding out of the room, Sam shuffling behind her to keep up with her brisk pace. They went up a flight of stairs and down a wide hallway lined with photos of a young Tina and her beaming parents. They turned into a small, cozy bedroom that was surprisingly clean compared to the design room, though it now had clothes piled in different places.

"Okay, I'm just going to go ahead and hope you know how to iron and fold clothes, because otherwise this is pointless." Sam only nodded, smiling at her tired, yet forceful demeanor. "So, you need to take these three piles," she pointed a pile of pants, a pile of shirts, and a pile of dresses and skirts. "Iron and fold them, then manage to put them into this suitcase. I'll take care of everything else."

"Sounds like a plan."

Tina turned to walk out, but stopped at the door and turned around to face the blond boy behind her. "Sam?" she said quietly. He turned to look at her from the pile he was now sorting. "It's been a really crazy day and I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate you being there for me. Especially after I kind of just ignored you for a year."

He smiled at her and she couldn't have stopped her responding grin even if she'd tried. "Us Glee kids have to stick together, Tina. You would have done the same for me; I guarantee it. Now go finish those dresses." Tina only nodded, then turned to go add the last touches on the three dresses she had left. Thank God for Sam Evans.

* * *

Finn drove away from Tina's house, stunned.

How could Sam cheat on Mercedes?

How could Tina cheat on hi- on Mike? He tried to push from his mind that she already had. She'd cheated on Artie, too.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he tried to clear his mind and focus on the drive home, silently chastising himself for going back to her house in the first place. He'd wanted to apologize. More than that, he needed her to be his friend again. He needed to cry on her shoulder about his dad like he used to. He needed to ask her why he felt like such a failure _all _the_ time. _He needed her to hold him like she did that time they were studying and he was convinced he would be stuck in middle school forever. He wanted her to love him back and to be just as confused as he was, but he knew she probably wasn't. Tina was the smart one, the kind one, the strong one. People might call him strong or kind, but he was usually just scared.

Seeing Sam walk in to her house in the middle of the night and still not come back out was like a slap in the face or a punch to the stomach. Had he actually thought she cared about him? He wasn't the only one she fooled around with while she was with Mike. And poor Mercedes had dealt with her own issues about cheating. How was she going to react to her best friend and boyfriend messing around? He vowed to never tell her, resolutely staring straight at the road.

He'd only made it partway back to his house before he had to pull over. He parked in the lot of the grocery store and proceeded to angrily bang his dashboard with his fist. His eyes were burning but he forced himself not to cry. Instead, he let out a scream of frustration.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck!_" he yelled, punctuating each one with a bang on the dash. He got out of his the truck and paced around it, trying to calm down before he was unable to drive home. The emotions built up in him were at a tipping point, repressed so much that they had become swollen with his confusion and now threatened to break him for good. Thoughts ran through his head that seemed irrelevant to his situation with Tina, but in actuality, all of it melted together into one huge problem, and that was _him._

Finn finally decided to hop into the bed of his truck after pacing for five minutes and lay perfectly still, staring at the sky as if the stars would spell out a solution to his situation or perhaps a glimpse of his ever-hazy future. Instead, he found himself looking for the star he'd bought for Rachel, the star named Finn Hudson.

_What a joke,_ he thought. A star named Finn Hudson? It was the only star he'd ever be. If he was honest, he wasn't sure why he was pursuing life in performing. He knew he loved acting, he loved to perform, he loved the _stage_ and everything that came with it. However, he knew his chances were slim and he knew that it was probably too late to finally get over himself and pursue that dream, but the thought of mediocrity made his heart hurt. To top it off, there was a constant nagging in the back of his mind telling him that he wasn't good enough.

He picked the Big Dipper out of the sky and thought of the time his mother had camped out in the grass of their old backyard with him and showed him tons of constellations. He'd only remembered a few, but it was one of the best nights of his life.

Gosh, he loved his mom. Carole Hudson was the most wonderful woman he had ever known and would ever know. She was his true best friend. He wanted to tell her everything so badly, but he couldn't handle the thought of her being disappointed in him. She had supported him when he'd thought he was going to be a father and she had always taught him to at least _try_ and do the right thing, but something about cheating made him feel disgusting, especially after he'd proposed to Rachel.

Finn felt a few tears leak out and finally just let down his guard. He sobbed loudly and openly in that dark lot. It was liberating, somehow. He hadn't been alone very much in the past few years and he'd forgotten how powerful solitude could be. He hadn't cried this hard since Quinn's pregnancy and then when he'd found out Beth wasn't his. He could almost feel anxiety leaving his body as he wept, crying over every single bad thing that had happened to him and, even more than that, every awful thing he had done to other people.

He needed someone, but he had no one. His mother would be disappointed and Rachel would be confused and the boys were all way too tied to Mike. Kurt was too close to Rachel and didn't exactly have a good track record concerning Finn's secrets. He wasn't close with any of the girls anymore. He had ruined things with Tina long ago and had pushed her even further away. He was tired of the dance they'd been doing since sophomore year: pretending like nothing had happened, making friendly conversation, ignoring the fact that he was honestly just a joke of a man.

He lay quietly as his crying subsided and stared up at the infinite sky expanded all around him, knowing that, for the first time, he was completely alone.


	4. Chapter 4

**SO SORRY about the wait! I feel so awful, I got caught up in stuff. This is not the end, I think I'll have maybe five or six more chapters, but I'm not sure. I didn't want to change anything in Finale, but I'm obviously going to have to if I want this to work. So after this chapter, some canon events will most likely change, like graduation and such. One big thing is when Rachel finds out about NYADA, which was sooooo unrealistic anyway. Anywho, next chapter soon! Thanks for reading and I will definitely reply to these reviews soon. I love you all!**

**Also, please excuse any typos, but perhaps leave anything major in the reviews? I'd hate for this to totally suck, haha. :)**

Sam left Tina's at around two in the morning. They'd both been ridiculously tired and Tina had offered Sam her couch, but he said he'd needed to finish some stuff and that he didn't want Finn to worry. So with a last hug from Tina, he began to walk down the street.

"Whoa, wait, what are you doing?" asked Tina, rushing out the door after him.

He looked back, confused. "I'm walking home."

She gaped. "That's like five miles away. How did you get here?"

"Oh, I caught a ride with Joe. He was going to some midnight prayer group and it's not too far from here. Did you know he has a pretty cool little Impala?"

"Sam," she said, trying not to shake her head with disbelief, "Get in my car. I'll take you back." He quickly protested, but she shot him down. "No. Get in. It's late and I don't want anything to happen to you."

He opened his mouth as if to protest further, but a huge yawn overtook him and Tina smirked as he ambled to the passenger seat of her car.

The ride to the Hudson-Hummels' was quiet, but not awkward or uncomfortable. They were both exhausted and anxious for the upcoming weekend. Pink Floyd was scratchily playing on the radio station that Tina's car was always tuned to. They hummed quietly and absentmindedly, but neither spoke until Tina pulled up next to the home.

"I'll see you later, Sam. Thanks again for everything."

He flashed her a huge grin, made more adorable and childlike by his drooping eyelids. "Sure thing, Tina. Thanks for the ride," As he left the car and was about to shut the door behind him, he added, "Kìyevame."

"What?" Tina asked.

"It means something like "Goodbye, see you again soon. It's Na'vi."

Tina really did shake her head at that. "Oh, Sam. Goodnight." He smiled again and closed the door.

She watched and made sure he got into his house before she drove away with a smile on her face, singing along to the Elton John song playing on the radio now. He really was a strange boy. She could understand why he and Mike were so close. When Mike crossed her mind, the feelings of guilt sunk in again and she tried to push them away, failing miserably.

* * *

Finn watched Tina drive away from the house with a look of disbelief on his face. He flopped down on his bed and tried to wrap his head around the idea of Tina and Sam being together for who-knows-how long. How long had they been fooling around before tonight? Was he just another fling to her? Was he an idiot for thinking she could be in love with him? And what about poor _Mike _or _Mercedes_?

He rolled over on his bedspread, willing himself to finally sleep, but there was far too much for him to think about and way too many decisions to make for him to be able to do that.

* * *

When the New Directions got to Chicago, they were bursting full of confidence and determination. Even Finn was distracted with all of the excitement going on around him. However, the bliss was fleeting. As soon as they began to rehearse, tensions began to build and Tina could feel the tense energy in the room. An arm latched onto hers and she turned to smile at Kurt.

"Having fun?" she asked.

Kurt scoffed. "These animals are getting crazy. I think I just saw Blaine try and kick a table before realizing it wasn't very becoming of him."

Tina laughed, and then sighed as she caught sight of Sam looking lonely across the room.

"I wish Mercedes were here," she said sadly.

Kurt wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her tight. "Same."

They were both quiet and Tina watched Mike smoothing out some of the choreography with Blaine. He caught her eye and grinned, and she could only smile back. He really was beautiful.

"Did I miss something between Sam and Finn?" asked Kurt, and Tina whipped her head around to look at Finn. He wasn't looking at them, but across the room at Sam.

"Whoa. He looks pissed." Tina tried to sound nonchalant, but she was worried. That look he was giving Sam was sort of scary. It wasn't just angry, it was…judgmental. Finn might have done a lot of shitty things, but he'd never been judgmental.

"Very. It's not a good look for him. Brings out those frown lines I know he's going to have in five years."

Tina opened her mouth to change the subject, but Santana's voice cut through the noise.

"Tina! Get your ass over here, slacker."

She ignored the insult and gave Kurt a quick squeeze before running off to the Troubletones. "Duty calls," she said simply, thankful for the distraction.

When she made it to the part of the room where the rest of the girls (sans Rachel) were congregated, Santana leaned over to and whispered, "I was just kidding about you being a slacker." Tina was almost touched to see a worried look on the older girl's face, but just smiled and said, "I know."

For the next half hour, she was completely engrossed in the choreography of Edge of Glory, not to mention trying to nail the singing aspect. It was nervewracking, but she just kept reassuring herself that the New Directions had once won sectionals with less than an hour of preparation. Thanks to Finn. She shook thoughts of him from her head and continued to run through the song, trying to perfect each movement. She was nothing if not a meticulous performer.

Finally, she allowed herself a trip to the bathroom and to get water. As she left the restroom, she felt a hand land softly on her shoulder. Startled, she whipped around to face Finn.

"What?" she asked, a bit more harshly than she'd intended.

"What are you doing?" he asked angrily.

"I'm getting water!" she said, indignant.

He shook his head, frustrated. "No, I mean with Sam."

Tina froze, and was really confused. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"He has a girlfriend, Tina! I thought Mercedes was your best friend?"

She didn't know whether to laugh or yell. "Oh my gosh, Finn, you can't be serious."

"What? I thought you two were tight,"

"Finn! Just stop talking. There's nothing going on between Sam and I."

The look on Finn's face nearly broke her heart. It was a mix of frustration and sadness and she wanted, more than anything, to wipe that look away from him forever. "I know we're not exactly close, but I never thought you'd lie to me, Tina."

Her sympathy vanished quickly. "I'm not lying to you!"

"I saw him at your house!"

"What?"

"The night before we left! I-I went back to your house…I wanted to apologize. But then," he took a deep breath, and Tina found that his anger was almost comical. "I saw Sam walk in, alone. At midnight."

Tina couldn't stop it; she laughed. Her shoulders shook and she leaned against the wall because she was laughing so hard because the idea of hooking up with Sam was _ridiculous._ Utterly ridiculous.

"Finn, you really are a dumbass sometimes, aren't you?"

He froze, and Tina felt her grin fade. She knew she would regret those words.

"You know what? Fuck it. Fuck all of it. I know I'm no saint, Tina, but I wouldn't cheat with my best friend's girlfriend. I know you have problems with Rachel, but I thought you and Mercedes were friends."

"I thought you and Mike were friends!"

"Oh please, you're the one who was singing with Rachel before we left, as if you two were suddenly best friends!"

They glared at each other and their breathing was heavy. The tension between them was electric, almost tangible.

Tina kissed him.

His response was almost immediate. His hands wrapped around her, pulling her closer. She tangled her hands into his hair and it seemed like several long minutes passed, though it was really only about ten seconds. Tina pushed him up against the wall, and he seemed to surrender to her in that moment, allowing his hands to come up to her face. He pushed into her lips harder for a moment before breaking away. Tina let out an involuntary whimper.

"No, Tina. Not again."

She sighed and stepped away from him. "You kissed _me_ the first time, remember?"

"Yes!" he snapped. "I remember it well, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. Every time I look at-," he seemed to realize his voice was rising, and dropped to a whisper. "Every time I look at Rachel or even just talk to her, I feel like my heart is breaking because I know I'm going to end up breaking hers."

Tina took a sharp breath at this. "Finn, it's not that easy to just be together—"

"I didn't say that. I'm not saying that you and I need to get together," both of them winced minutely. "But I'm not going to lie to her. I've lied to her before and it wasn't good for anyone. It'll be up to her if she wants to stay with me."

"So you choose her." Tina said carefully.

Finn stared at her, his expression incomprehensible.

"I love her," was all he said before turning away to go back to rehearsal.

Tina was very still for a few moments before calling out to him, "I'm not fooling around with him!"

Finn stopped and turned back to her. "What?"

"Sam," she said softly, looking him directly in the eyes. "We're just friends. I needed someone to talk to, and he sort of…knows."

The tall boy's eyes widened and he quickly paced back to her.

"He knows?" he whispered, looking both angry and worried.

"Yes," she hissed back. "But he's not going to tell anyone."

"He's not going to tell anyone?" Finn let out a short laugh. "He's one of Mike's best friends!"

"Well, we're trying to build a friendship, and I trust him. So stop fucking glaring at him like I cheated on you or something. Because one, I didn't do anything with him. Two, I'm not your fucking girlfriend."

Finn's gaze was steely as he asked, "Why did you kiss me?"

"Because you kissed me first."

"Oh, please. That's not a real excuse. You could have pushed me away. You could have told me I was scum or told everyone what happened, but you didn't. You kissed me back, then you kissed me again."

"Finn," she pleaded, her resolve wavering. "What do you want me to do? Do you want to break up with Rachel and have me break up with Mike? We've had this conversation and we _love_ them." She took a deep breath and continued, valiantly trying to maintain her composure. "We just need to forget about all of this, okay? We'll confess, and we'll go on with our lives."

He was silent and Tina moved to leave, but he reached out and lightly grasped her arm. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice shaky. She looked up and was surprised to see that his eyes were rather wet. "I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I'm sorry I kissed you, I'm sorry I ignored you, I'm sorry for confusing you…I'm just sorry, okay? I love you."

Tina felt her eyes get hot, but pulled Finn into a tight hug before he could see the tears that were sure to pour over soon. "It's okay. I love you, too."

His body was shaking now and she felt helpless, unable to do anything but hold him and try to push all of her love into that embrace. He continued, his voice muffled against her hair. "I love you so much, Tina. You were one of my best friends. I'll always love you."

In that moment, when they told each other they loved one another, Tina knew that it wasn't romantic. It was necessary for them to go on. Even though she didn't know her specific feelings for him, she knew that she loved Finn Hudson the way she loved Rachel Berry or Brittany Pearce. He was a part of her forever after all they had been through.

"Girl Chang! Where are you?" cut Santana's voice through the electricity that had built between the two. "I mean, Tina!" she corrected herself.

"On my way, just getting some water!" Tina called, trying to make her voice sound steady.

Finn slipped away into the bathroom just as Santana rounded the corner. "You're taking forever! Have you seen Frankenteen?"

"Finn?" Tina asked, though she knew exactly who Frankenteen was.

"Duh. He's been missing."

"I, uh, think he might've gone outside for some air. It's kinda busy in that room."

Santana tossed her ponytail and sighed. "Whatever. Hurry up, we still have a ton of work to do."

"Be right in," said Tina, smiling brightly at the older girl. Santana gave her a quizzical look before turning around and going back to their rehearsal space. Tina peeked around the corner and watched as Santana walked back in the room. As soon as the door was shut, she turned back and whispered, "You can come out now."

Finn ambled awkwardly out of the bathroom, and small smile on his lips. "You go in first, and I'll be back in like five minutes. I really do need air. It's stuffy in there. Plus all the movement is kind of hard on the ol' lungs."

Tina just smiled back, though a little sadly. "Okay. See you in a bit."

The rest of rehearsal was tense, then productive. There were arguments and a lot of yelling, then some hugs and a ton of hard work. Tina spent a lot of time joking with Kurt and Blaine, and Mike stole a few kisses. Finn and Rachel spent whatever time they could together, and for a few hours, they were just a bunch of misfits in a choir room again. Even though they were now in Chicago preparing for a National competition, Mercedes was sick, Matt was long gone, couples had changed, and they'd seen so many people come and go, there was a sense of camaraderie among the family that New Directions had become.

* * *

Five minutes until showtime, Finn was feeling incredibly nervous. He spoke to his teammates, his family, for the last time at a competition. He was scared, but he knew in his heart they would win. He could feel it, though he couldn't explain it. He didn't even remember what he said to them, only that it needed to be said. This wasn't about him anymore. They needed to do this for Mr. Schue, who had given up so much because he believed in them. They needed to do it for Rachel, who shone brighter than any star he'd seen. They needed to do it for Mercedes, who was going farther than any of them could ever fathom. They needed to do it for Puck, who was so much better than he knew. They needed to do it for Quinn, who had been to hell and back more than once and had come out triumphant. They needed to do it for Mike, who had sacrificed just as much as he had and who had dreams bigger than anyone knew. They needed to do it for Santana, who managed to find joy there when she couldn't find it anywhere else. They needed to do it for Kurt, his brother, who had forgiven more than he should have and who had loved them all despite their differences. This was their last chance, and Finn knew they would make it.

Before the Troubletones went out, he found Tina and pulled her into a tight hug, not noticing the stares from Mike and Sam. He pulled away and moved to Mercedes, pulling her just as tight.

"What was that for?" Mercedes said through her laugh.

"I love you, Mercedes. And you are going to kill it out there. You, too, Tina."

They beamed at him before turning away. He didn't fail to notice that Tina's gaze lingered a bit longer than her friend's.

* * *

They did it. They'd actually won Nationals.

Tina was crying with surprise and joy as the Glee Club exploded around her. She knew she wasn't the only one bawling. Looking around her, she saw Mr. Schue with tears in his eyes, Santana and Puck openly sobbing, Quinn and Mike and Kurt looking overwhelmed, Rachel and Brittany beaming with wet eyes, Artie tearing up, and Mercedes and Finn with tears running down their faces that they probably didn't even notice. They had done it. After three years of tears, breakups, quits, babies, fights, and, above all, love, they had made it to the top. They made it together.


	5. Chapter 5

***sigh* yet another long wait for my lovely readers. I apologize! The good news is that this was by far my hardest chapter to get through, but once I got going, it was actually very easy to finish. There is a big Finntana moment in this towards the end that is very important to the rest of the story. I promise the end is near and hopefully it won't take me like a month to update like this last time. Thanks so much for your reviews, favorites, and alerts. You're all wonderful and thank you for shipping Frankenasian with me. Also, there will be more Samtina to come, not to mention reveals and all that jazz. So stay tuned -wink wink-**

That night would go down as one of the best nights of Finn's life.

And as one of the worst.

After Nationals, Mr. Schuester took them all out for pizza and they sat around laughing long after they finished eating. They were still in shock, but it was a wonderful feeling, like the feeling you get in a particularly amazing dream before you realize that it's all in your head. But it _wasn't _made up. They had won Nationals and were actually _celebrating_. Finn was on top of the world.

After, they went back to the hotel rooms and Puck somehow managed to smuggle booze with him. However, no one really drank as they exchanged even more stories and began to talk about what had changed in their lives. Finn almost cried when Artie talked about the time he had saved him from the Port-A-Potty. It seemed like just yesterday, but it had been over two years prior. Puck got really emotional and began to profusely apologize to everyone in the room, and everyone made him stop.

"What's been your favorite number?" asked Mike, and everyone began to chatter excitedly before Rachel yelled over everyone else.

"All of my solos!"

Mercedes rolled her eyes and Santana said, "Pick one, Berry; there's too many for all of them to be your favorite."

"Well…I guess my favorite was our Nationals set list. Can I count that as one?" She beamed at them all, and despite what anyone felt about her, they all smiled back because they really had not ever been better.

"Mine was ABC!" said Mike.

"I think mine was Dog Days," Tina chimed. She looked at Mercedes and they shared a smile. Finn couldn't help but grin when they were together like this. How could he ever have thought Tina would cheat on Mike with Sam?

They continued with all of them throwing out some of their best (Somebody to Love) and worst (Run, Joey, Run) performances, coaxing laughter and embarrassment out of different people.

"Mine might have been the Hall & Oates medley," said Finn, and there were a few nods of agreement from Rory and Blaine. He looked at Tina, though, gauging her reaction. He couldn't admit it at the time, but when they'd begun work on that particular medley, he was met with flashback after flashback of sitting at his dining room table with her, doing homework and laughing as his mom would dance around the kitchen to "You Make My Dreams".

Tina shot him a quick look, and he allowed a smirk to cross his face before turning back to the conversation.

"We should do something," said Quinn definitively.

"Like what?" asked Artie, staring at her with could only be adoration.

"I don't know. Let's just explore or something. I want to do something we won't be able to do in Lima."

Everyone nodded and murmured their agreement. After much thought, they sent Rory, Sugar, and Joe to check if the coast was clear. Finally, Rory came creeping back and whispered that they were safe to go. Once they were outside, they let out the laughter they had been stifling and followed Puck, who seemed to be leading.

"Noah, what the hell is in your backpack?" asked Rachel.

"What do you think?" he replied with a smirk.

"Puck, you realize we could get in huge trouble if you get caught with that? You'll probably go to _jail._" Said Quinn, though she had a faint smile on her face as she shook her head. They continued to walk, chattering and laughing and just generally enjoying each other.

"Well, well, well; will you look at New Directions wandering about the city? Where are your chaperones?" came a voice from behind them, and they all froze. Rachel was the first to turn around slowly.

"Jesse! Don't be an asshole."

"Get lost, St. James. We're just trying to have a little fun." Said Puck with a glare.

"Hey," Jesse replied, holding up his hands. "I can understand that. You're young, you're in Chicago, you weaseled your way to a first place trophy; you want to celebrate."

"Why don't you come with us?" asked Sam, and everyone's heads whipped around to look at him incredulously.

"What?" he asked, eyes wide at the looks he was getting. "He used to be in New Directions. He's kind of one of us."

Puck, Mike, and Artie just shook their heads and the new kids eyed him curiously. Finn was wary of his presence, but it's not like people couldn't change.

"Come on, St. James," he said, gesturing for him to join the group. "For old time's sake."

The older man hesitated, gauging the reaction of the group. Despite the initial protests, no one seemed terribly offended by the idea of him joining them. Finally, he nodded and Rachel grinned at him. Finn felt something stir in his chest, but ignored it.

The group was considerably more lighthearted after that. They wandered, occasionally stopping at different places for food when one of them would say they were hungry. They eventually found a park with picnic benches set up underneath large canopies and all sat down around a few tables that were pushed together.

Finn sat next to Puck and Quinn with Tina, Blaine, and Artie across from them. A few people down, Jesse sat with Rachel and Kurt, talking about musicals and New York. He smiled at the forgiving nature of his friends before turning back to the ones around him.

"Do you remember the time that we went to see Iron Man at the midnight release?" Tina asked suddenly.

Finn was taken aback at first, and then grinned.

"Yeah! We stood in line forever. And you _still_ made me study!"

"You had a final! And it's not like we would've been doing anything else. That was at least four hours."

They continued their banter easily. Their friends were chatting around them, but they quickly fell into their own little bubble of nostalgia. It was like all of their stories came pouring out, and they found themselves laughing almost hysterically at the many memories they had made.

"Oh God," gasped Tina between her laughs, "Remember when we tried to create our own cake?"

"With the chocolate and the strawberries?" Tina nodded, doubled over. "That was the most disgusting thing I've ever had!"

And they continued with more stories of movies they watched, things they baked, and nights when they would study together. Sometimes someone would chime in or listen and laugh at them, but everyone was engaged in conversation, for the most part. Finn's stomach hurt and Tina had tears in her eyes from the laughter, but there was one thing that neither would acknowledge that they both felt: an overwhelming sense of _right; _like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Eventually Puck stood at the head of a table and held up a thermos he pulled out of his backpack.

"All right, guys, I'm going to pour you a little bit of the cocktail I mixed up for the occasion. Be discreet, though, because I don't want no cops coming over here and throwing me in juvie again."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have brought _alcohol_ with you," said Tina, rolling her eyes. Puck just grinned at her and began to pour a bit of the concoction into each little cup. They passed them down and when Finn finally had his, he noticed that it was the kind that airplanes had.

His face lit up and he immediately turned to Rachel with his cup lifted. He was smiling, but it slowly faded as he observed her.

Everyone continued to laugh, but Rachel and Jesse were absolutely enraptured by each other. There were faint smiles on their faces, but their eyes were filled with intensity. Finn had seen her look like this before, but he never thought she would look at someone else that way. Their banter was visibly easy and natural, punctuated by laughter and small, almost imperceptible silences that Finn knew held words neither could say. He knew because seeing Rachel look at Jesse that way reminded him of how it felt to be with Tina just a few moments ago. And despite the fact that it was hypocritical, he felt his heart break at the sight of his fiancée looking at anyone the way she looked at him.

Though, if he were being honest, she hadn't looked at him like that in a while.

* * *

Tina could see it as soon as he glanced over at her. She felt so stupid, allowing Finn past the walls she'd built up around their memories. Finn loved Rachel and he was jealous of Jesse for talking to her. He would never be jealous of Mike because he would never love her the way she—

No. She did _not_ love Finn fucking Hudson. He was just a stupid boy who had smiled at her in a way he reserved just for her and he was just a stupid boy who made her feel like the most important person in the world and made her want to hold him as the world crashed around them, because he was the only world she was interested in.

No. She loved Mike Chang and that was the end of it.

* * *

About an hour later, they all decided to go back. Rachel and Jesse continued their conversation at the back of the group and the others chattered tiredly. Mike took Tina's hand and continued his conversation about video games with Blaine and Artie. No one noticed that Finn and Tina didn't say a word. Well, almost no one.

Finn hung back after everyone went inside, saying he wanted a few more minutes of the fresh air (though the city had anything but fresh air.) He watched sadly as Rachel gave Jesse a seemingly friendly hug before parting ways. He didn't realize that he wasn't alone until he was about to use his inhaler.

"You are all kinds of fucked up, Hudson," said a voice from behind him. He whipped around to see Santana lighting up a cigarette.

"You smoke?" he asked, and she rolled her eyes before nodding. She sat down on a bench a few feet away from the hotel's entrance and he sat down beside her after a few moments.

"What makes you say that?" he asked after a minute of silence, unsure of whether or not she even remembered what he was questioning.

"You're leading on Girl Chang while you're still hung up on Berry."

"I am not—," he protested, but she cut him off.

"Actually, it's probably the other way around. The worst part is that you're in love with her."

"Who?" he asked without thinking.

She let out a derisive laugh before taking a drag of her cigarette and replying, "The fact that you need to ask just proves that I'm right."

He was silent.

"Can I try that?" he asked, pointing to the cigarette that was in her mouth again.

She let out a genuine chuckle. "Didn't you just have an inhaler in your hand?"

He nodded. "I just want to try."

She raised an eyebrow before handing him the cig. "Don't hurt yourself."

He brought it to his lips and hesitated. A few seconds later, he took a long drag and tried not to cough. He failed miserably and quickly handed it back, his throat burning. Finn expected Santana to laugh, but she just gave him a sad smile before taking another drag of it herself.

They both stared as cars zoomed past them, though neither seemed to be concentrating on anything.

"I'm sorry," said Finn hoarsely.

"For what?"

"Everything," he whispered. Santana turned to him with an unreadable look on her face. "I'm sorry I outed you. I-I didn't meant to. I was doing so good, trying to think before I say things and not letting you get to me, you know? I was getting so good," his voice faded away.

"I'm sorry I took your virginity," said Santana shortly after.

"It's not like I didn't say you could," he replied quickly.

"No. The point is that I made you feel bad about it. I shouldn't have done that." She took another drag. "God, I am such a fucking bitch."

"You're not," he began.

"Don't even deny it. I know who I am. I just wish I could be different. I wish I could be happy."

Neither of them said a word for several minutes. Santana had finished her first cigarette and lit up another.

"We were kids, Finn." He looked at her, but didn't say anything. She kept going. "We were way too young to be having sex. _I _was way too young to be having sex. It's like I tried to be an adult before I had even really been a teenager."

"We can't change the past, Santana."

"I know," she replied, her voice snarky. She softened. "I just…I wish I could go back and do a lot of things differently." Another drag. "Would you change anything?"

Almost immediately, he answered her. "I wouldn't have been an asshole to Tina." She didn't say anything, and he continued. "I would have paid attention in health class so that Quinn wouldn't have been able to lie to me. I would've been a better boyfriend so that she wouldn't have gone to Puck. I would have been a lot nicer to Rachel and everyone else. I wouldn't have let you get to me. I wouldn't have hurt you like that."

She was watching him intently now, a curious look on her face.

"Why don't you love yourself?" she asked, and he was surprised by her question.  
"What?"

"You love everyone else but you. I know because I don't love many people at all, and that includes me. You don't love yourself."

"What is there to love?" he replied.

Santana chuckled and shook her head, inhaling from her cigarette again.

"You might be dumb as a board and you might have potentially ruined my life, but you're not a bad person, Frankenteen."

He laughed, and then asked. "Why don't you love _your_self?"

Santana sighed. "I never have. I don't know if I ever will."

"Not even when Brittany's around?"

She was quiet. He was about to apologize, but she started. "Sometimes she can make me feel like a good person. But for the most part, I just feel guilty when I'm around her. I wish I could go back and tell her I love her earlier. Before she got with Artie. I wish I had gotten her first. It's not about sex," she said quickly. "I'm not trying to say she's like a prize or something. I just wish that I had earned her, you know? Without lying to her or making Artie out to be a bad guy."

Finn only nodded. Somehow, he had learned more about Santana in twenty minutes than he had in all of the years he had known her.

"I don't want to break up with Rachel."

Santana turned to him quickly, her brow furrowed. "Why the hell not?"

"I love her!"

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You love _Tina._"

"What makes you say that?" he asked, his guard beginning to build.

"Oh please. The way you look at her? You can pretend like you're being sneaky, but auntie Tana always knows. You look at her like she's perfection or something. It's sickening."

Finn was quiet.

"And if you are going to sit here and try to convince yourself that you're in love with Rachel still, and that she's in love with you, then you're more stupid than I thought."

Finn let out a dark laugh. "I'm so tired of being called stupid."

"Well, quit acting like it!" Santana burst out. His eyes widened as she visibly broke. "Tell her you love her! Don't sit here and pretend like you're okay with the life you're living when you know that she's the one you want. Just stop! Because every day that you try and convince yourself that you and Rachel Berry are in love, you are breaking _your_ heart, you're breaking Rachel's, you're breaking Tina's, and you're breaking Jesse's. You _know_ that Rachel is _never_ going to break up with you. _You_ have to do it." There were tears in her eyes and Finn was overwhelmed. He had never seen her like this.

"You sit around and you watch her with Mike and you don't say anything. I bet you haven't even told her that you're in love with her. I bet you haven't even told her that you're not in love with Rachel anymore. Why the fuck do we do this, Finn? People are so fucking _stupid!_ We pretend to be someone we're not just so we can make people happy when we know that _no one _fucking wins!" She put her head in hands and sobbed freely.

He allowed himself to hug her now, and she let him. As if that weren't surprising enough, he realized that he was crying, too.

"I'm sorry," he said, and he just kept repeating it. Because if he thought about it, he might've had it hard, but he didn't know half of what Santana was feeling at that moment. It was the most intimate moment he had ever had with anyone, and how ironic that it was the girl he'd meaninglessly lost his virginity to. She hadn't been this vulnerable when they'd had sex, and that made Finn feel strange. Like he was seeing an entirely different person.

* * *

Tina walked outside to look for Santana and froze when she saw Finn holding her tightly on a park bench. If she didn't know any better, it looked like Santana's shoulders were heaving with sobs. She was so shocked by the image that she almost didn't see Quinn about to follow her outside. Fortunately, she did and quickly shuffled back in.

"What were you staring at?" asked the blonde.

"Oh…nothing. I just saw a cat run by with a dead mouse."

"Ew," said Quinn before laughing. Tina laughed with her, but she couldn't shake the image of Santana crying out of her head.


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes, I know, I'm terrible! I'm an awful fanfic writer and I should be ashamed of making you wait so long :( In any case, here's the next chapter. Be aware that I didn't exactly stick to canon here. Enjoy! Hopefully a new chapter a week from today, if not sooner.**

* * *

On the bus ride back, Tina and Mercedes found a seat in the back of the bus. Sam and Mike sat farther ahead and they hadn't been on the road for very long before Mercedes turned to Tina and asked, "What the hell is going on, Tina?"

Tina's eyes were wide as she replied, "What are you talking about?"

Mercedes let out of a 'pfft!'' before continuing, "Oh, please, you have been in your own world for the whole damn trip. So what's going on? I thought you could tell me everything." She had a sad look in her eyes and Tina couldn't bring herself to lie.

She leaned close to her friend and whispered, "Finn kissed me."

Mercedes' eyes were huge. "Girl, are you serious?"

"Would I joke about something like that?" Tina replied.

"I suppose not." Mercedes was silent for a moment before asking, "Did you kiss him back?"

Tina avoided her best friend's gaze and replied, "Yes."

"Tina!"

Tina buried her face in her hands. "That's not even the worst part…I kissed him again the other day."

Mercedes gasped, then put her hand comfortingly on Tina's shoulder.

"Are you going to tell Mike?"

Tina, eyes burning, looked up from her hands. "I have to. I can't lie to him."

The older girl let out a low whistle and leaned back on the seat. "Who knows?"

"Me, you, Finn…" Tina hesitated, unsure of how Mercedes would react to her boyfriend knowing something so important before she did. "Sam." She decided it wasn't worth another lie.

Mercedes' eyebrows shot up. "Is that why he's been hanging out and texting with you so much? I figured he just finally figured out you two were two peas in a pod."

Tina laughed. "Yeah. I'm sorry he knew before you, Mercedes. You know you're my best friend, right? He was just kinda…around when it all happened."

Mercedes smiled at put her arm around the younger girl. "It's okay, honey. I figured it must have been something like that."

"You're the best," Tina said before leaning against her. "I wish none of this had happened," she added in a whisper.

"Never wish that. Everything happens for a reason, Tina, even if it doesn't make sense right away."

"I hope so."

For the next few hours, things were relatively normal between them as they gossiped, traded iPods, watched movies on Tina's computer, and generally just enjoyed each other's company. Sometimes Sam or Mike would come see them or Santana would turn around in her seat two ahead of them and ask them if they had gum or if they wanted to trade iPods with her. It wasn't until they were about two hours away from Lima that Tina thought to use Mercedes' knowledge of Sam to her advantage.

"Hey, I have a question for you," her friend nodded to continue. "Have you read Sam's comics? The ones he writes?"

Mercedes let out a small laugh. "Yes. They're actually really good. He gives me photocopies when he finishes."

"Perfect! Because I need your help with something I'm planning. Isn't his birthday coming up soon?"

"Tina, that was like…before prom."

"What? Really?"

Mercedes just laughed and Tina told her the plan anyway. By the time they were pulling into Lima, they had worked out everything and fallen asleep while leaning on each other. For about an hour, they were both blissfully unaware of everything going on around them and everything confusing in their lives. They were asleep and on a bus with their best friends, national show choir champions and forever bonded.

Santana turned around to return Mercedes' iPod and couldn't help but smile when she saw them. Tina might be caught in some weird love square, but she really was a good person. She got out of her seat and placed the device on Mercedes' lap before returning to her seat.

* * *

Finn knew something was up when Burt, Carole, and Mr. and Mr. Berry were waiting for them outside of McKinley. There was no reason for all of them to be there, not during the work day when they were all supposed to be working and the kids were supposed to be finishing the rest of the school day . He heard Kurt mutter "Oh my God," in the seat in front of him and he knew.

Their letters had come.

He looked at Rachel, who was talking to Puck and not paying attention. Kurt turned in his seat and Finn met his stare. They didn't have to speak; they could tell from the look in the other's eyes that they were nervous.

"Together." Kurt whispered, and Finn nodded. Blaine looked worriedly between them, eyes wide and hands fiddling with the hat in his hands.

Rachel finally looked out the window and saw her dads. Her eyes grew even bigger than they already were and she looked at Finn, terrified. He forced a small smile and took her hand. It was so small in his.

They filed off the bus, trophy in their hands.

* * *

Even while it was happening, Tina couldn't believe it. She just couldn't believe that these people who had treated her and her friends so badly for the past three years were celebrating them now. Maybe it was temporary, but she was overwhelmed. For once, she felt like a winner.

They put the trophy in the case and stood in utter silence for almost five minutes, still in disbelief. From the corner of her eye, Tina saw Kurt and Finn exchange a meaningful look before slipping away from the room. The latter planted a kiss on Rachel's head before leaving. Tina ignored the pang in her chest at the sight.

* * *

"Ready?"

"Ready," Finn answered, pulling his stepbrother into a quick hug before slowly opening the letter. He slid his finger beneath the flap of the envelope, trying to make a clean cut. He looked to Kurt and saw that he was doing the same thing, though his hands shook much less than Finn's.

Finally, both of their envelopes were open and they pulled out the sheets of paper inside. As he read the letter, Finn's mouth went dry.

He looked up to Kurt, who was staring at the wall, his mouth open.

"I—I didn't get in."

Finn took a sharp breath.

"I-I didn't, either."

He pulled Kurt into another hug, but this one was much longer. He was afraid to let go because he had never heard Kurt fall apart like this before. As his sobs shook both of them, Finn looked up and saw Rachel in the doorway, holding her letter tightly in her hand and a look of pure heartbreak on her face as she watched Kurt.

Their eyes met and she gave him a sad smile.

"I got in," she mouthed, and Finn nodded. Of course she did. "You?" she asked silently.

He hesitated, then shook his head and nearly broke when he saw the shock on her face. He always knew that Pace was a long shot, but he hadn't thought that Rachel had really believed in him. Apparently, he was wrong.

Slowly, she made her way to them and pulled Kurt into her arms. He started at her touch, but quickly let her hold him. It was the most vulnerable he had ever seen his brother, and it was almost disconcerting. Despite becoming a warmer person after getting with Blaine, Kurt definitely still hid behind the armor he'd (rightfully) built around himself.

Finn gave Rachel a quick kiss on the lips and Kurt one on his head before saying, "I need to go find my mom."

"Can I come over later?" Rachel asked, and Finn stared at her, unable to find the words he needed to say.

"Sure," he said. "Definitely."

* * *

As Finn's footsteps approached the door, Tina scuttled away and hid behind a corner. She didn't make a habit of eavesdropping, but she'd been worried about Rachel after she'd disappeared with Kurt and Finn. As none of them had come back, she assumed they'd gotten their college decisions.

She'd seen Rachel in the doorway and had almost called out to her before realizing that the small girl's hand was covering her mouth and there were tears in her eyes.

After Rachel entered the room, Tina quietly made her way to the doorway. She didn't really want to listen; she just wanted to make sure they were all okay. When she peeked in, she felt her eyes begin to water at the sight of the three of them, embracing and holding each other together. After a minute or two, Finn bent down to plant a kiss on Kurt's head and one on Rachel's lips.

"Can I come over later?"

"Sure, definitely."

Tina's lip trembled and she pressed herself against the wall, as if to steady the pieces of her together, lest she break.

* * *

"Finn, what's going on? Stop pacing and sit down."

Finn didn't listen to her and continued his ridiculous pacing around their living room. Burt and Kurt had gone somewhere together to try and brighten their spirits.

"I did something bad, Mom."

"Oh, God, is Rachel pregnant?"

Finn jumped at the accusation. "What? No! God, Mom!"

Carole sighed and leaned back into the cushions of the couch. "Sorry. Go on."

Finn took a deep breath. "I cheated on Rachel." He ignored his mother's gasp and continued. "And I think I'm in love with the other girl."

"Oh, Finn," Carole lamented as Finn finally sat down next to her. He didn't cry as he rested his head on hers, but he wanted to.

"I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do?"

"You tell her." Finn looked at her and opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. "If you respect her, you'll tell her. I know what it's like to be cheated on," Finn hung his head in shame and Carole took his hand. "Hey, look at me. I know what it's like and I know that I would rather the other person tell me instead of finding out myself. I'd rather work out _why_ it happened and figure out what's missing from the relationship."

"I don't want to break her heart."

"You're going to anyway."

Finn leaned back on the couch and presses his palms against his eyes.

"I feel terrible."

Carole wrapped an arm around him. "I'm not saying what you did was okay," she rubbed his back as she'd always done to comfort him. "But the fact that you can admit that it was wrong and that you plan to make it right is better than men much older than you can say."

Finn looked at her, his eyes wet, and said simply, "Thanks, Mom."

She smiled and replied, "You're welcome."

* * *

_"Have you talked to Mike yet?"_

Tina sighed as she put the finishing touches on a jacket she'd been tailoring for her mother.

_"No. I don't even know how to approach it."_

_ "You have to tell him sometime."_

_ "You think I don't know that, Sam?"_ She adjusted her phone on her ear and took a deep breath. _"Sorry. I don't mean to take it out on you; I just feel terrible. Every time I look at him I just feel awful."_

_ "You'll feel better once he knows everything."_

_ "What if he just breaks up with me?"_

Sam hesitated, and then said, _"Don't get mad, but I think that might be as bad as it sounds."_

_ "What?" _Tina cried, dropping her needle. _"What do you mean?"_

_ "Calm down! I'm just saying that maybe you two aren't as solid as you think."_

_ "That's a terrible thing to say. Frankly, I'm insulted."_

_ "I'm sorry, Tina."_

They were both quiet.

_"I told Mercedes," _Tina said after a few seconds.

_"I know."_

_ "Of course you do."_

_ "Are your parents still gone?"_

Tina sighed, thankful for the change in subject. _"They were back, but they left again. The next few weeks are packed for the both of them."_

_ "How about I come over with Mercedes and we keep you company? It'll be fun and we can make her watch sci-fi movies with us. It's entertaining to listen to her complain."_

Tina giggled. _"Sure. Maybe we can convince Kurt and Blaine to come over, too."_

_ "And Puck."_

_ "And Artie."_

_ "And Quinn."_

_ "Maybe everyone should just come over."_

They both laughed and Tina's smile felt so welcome after everything that happened during the last few weeks.

_"But let's wait for tomorrow for that. Let's just us hang out tonight. You guys can stay over, it'll be fun."_

_ "Okay, I'll call her and we'll be over at like eight? I promised Carole I would mow the lawn and help with her garden."_

_ "Yeah, that's fine. See you then!"_

_ "Bye, Tina."_

_ "Bye, Sam."_

Tina hung up and went back to the jacket. She'd only been working for about two minutes when her phone buzzed with a text message.

"What do you want, Sam?" she muttered, picking it up. She froze when she saw that it wasn't Sam, but Finn.

_I'm telling Rachel tonight._

* * *

Finn watched Rachel fidget with the necklace he'd given her sophomore year the whole time Carole talked to them. Though Rachel was animated most of the time, she wasn't what one would call fidgety, and this worried him. Deep down, he thought he knew why she was so nervous, but he couldn't bear the thought of it, despite what he was going to tell her.

Finally, Carole gave them both a kiss on the forehead before leaving to catch her flight to DC.

"I'll see you two next weekend," she gave Finn a small, significant look before quickly kissing Rachel's cheek and adding, "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart."

"Thank you, Carole," Rachel replied, beaming. Finn couldn't help but smile at her. She hadn't allowed herself to be truly proud of getting into NYADA yet, not after Kurt hadn't gotten in and was still rather upset about it, even if he couldn't admit it. Finn waved and said 'I love you,' as his mother finally went out the door. They both sat in silence until the car was out of the driveway.

Rachel turned to him, her eyes worried already. "I'm not sure how to do this," she started, but Finn cut her off. He knew exactly what she was going to do, knew that she was going to break his heart, but he wanted to tell her the truth first. Maybe if he broke her heart right away, she wouldn't feel bad and be able to go to New York without the guilt of leaving him behind.

"Wait, Rachel…I need to tell you something." Her eyes were wide and curious, and he wanted to turn back time and not kiss Tina. Or maybe he'd go back and never get with Rachel so that she would never have to deal with this.

"I cheated on you."

Her mouth formed a small 'o' and she stared blankly at the wall behind him before turning to him. The look she had was one Finn never wanted to give anyone ever again. She didn't say it out loud, but he knew that she was asking how he could do this to her. Feeling like a coward, he turned away and wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Did you sleep with her?"

"No," he said quickly, adamantly. "I swear. I—I kissed her twice. That was it."

"That was it," she whispered, and he knew that she was falling apart just like he was.

She cleared her throat and said, voice shaking, "Then I suppose breaking up is for the best."

He knew it was coming, but he still felt like the air had gone out of his lungs. How very wrong he and Santana had been, thinking that Rachel wouldn't be able to break up with him. He nodded and looked back up to her gaze. Her eyes were tear-filled and indescribably sad. Her lower lip trembled like it always did when she was upset and trying to hold herself together and all he wanted was to scoop her up and hold her like he'd been able to do before he'd ruined everything.

"Rachel, I'm sorry. You have to understand how sorry I am."

She simply nodded. "I know." She hesitated, then asked, "Who was it?"

He stopped, realizing that saying Tina's name could get her in a lot of trouble. Before he could answer though, Rachel held up a hand and shook her head. "Never mind. I don't want to know; not yet. And I think it's best if we take a break from each other, period." She stood and began to leave.

"Rach," Finn called after her, standing up from his seat. She turned, eyes red. "Congratulations on NYADA." She froze, and then smiled. "I'm so proud of you."

At that, she beamed, though he could sense the sadness behind it.

"Thank you, Finn." Rachel looked down, seemingly considering her words before looking back up at him. "You know, even though our epic romance didn't work out, you really were a very good friend to me. My best friend, really," she moved toward him. "Thank you for that. For being my friend," her voice broke on the last word and she shuffled the last steps to him, allowing him to pull her into a tight hug. They stood there for almost a full minute, basking in the other's affection for perhaps the last time before Rachel pulled away, smiled at him, and walked out of the room.

Finn heard the door slam and her car pull away, but he still didn't move.

Three years, done.

He let out a short, bitter laugh before catching sight of the Pace letter on the coffee table, snatching it up quickly before he forgot about it. He didn't want anyone to see it just yet, especially not Kurt.

He opened it again, even though he'd read it at least a hundred times over since he'd first gotten it. Despite knowing what it said and having practically memorized the entire letter, he still couldn't help but stare with disbelief at the words:

_Dear Mr. Hudson_

_ Congratulations! You have been accepted to Pace University's Dyson College of the Arts' Class of 2016! _


	7. Chapter 7

**I seriously have no excuses for why this is like months later, but I promise you, come hell or high water, I will finish this fic. In any case, I'll definitely be deviating from canon in this story. Thank you for sticking with me! This chapter is pretty short, but the party at Tina's should be fun and longer!**

When Rachel left, Finn cried for a lot longer than he thought he would. It wasn't just about losing Rachel – the circumstances under which it happened were the worst part. The fact that they would have broken up anyway but he still had to live with the guilt of hurting her was one of the most terrible feelings he'd ever had. He cried because he'd lied to her and Kurt, because he didn't know if he wanted to actually go to Pace, because his father was still so mysterious and he had no idea where to even begin to make things make sense.

Before he could register he was doing it, he'd picked up his phone and was calling probably the last person he should be talking to.

"_Hello?"_

"Can you come over?"

"_Finn? Are you okay? H-have you been crying?"_

"Can you come over?" he repeated.

"_I'm on my way."_

"Thanks, Tina."

* * *

Tina drove quickly to the Hummel-Hudson house and nearly ran to the door. She hadn't even knocked three times before Finn opened it with red-rimmed eyes and pulled her into a hug. She froze for a moment, taken aback by how forceful he was, but realized that he had gone sort of limp around her, as though he had no more energy.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, resting her head against his chest and breathing deeply. When they finally pulled apart, Finn simply took her wrist gently in his hand and led her inside. She followed him in to the living room and gingerly sat on the couch next to the armchair where he'd settled.

"What's going on, Finn?"

He sighed and pulled a folded letter out of his sweater pocket, tossing it to Tina. Her heart already breaking, she pulled the paper out of the envelope, but she couldn't bring herself to look at it.

"Th-there has to be other options. Just because you didn't get in-," she spoke quickly, but stopped after Finn looked at her with a frown.

"Just read it," he said with what sounded like annoyance. Tina nodded and looked down to read it completely.

_Accepted._

"I thought-,"

"You thought I'd get rejected?" Finn's words came out sharply and Tina looked up in surprise. He was almost glaring now, and she realized that he'd thought she'd assumed he would fail to get into Pace without even reading the letter.

"No, Finn, that's not what I meant-,"

"Then what did you mean?"

Tina took a breath. "Earlier, I followed Rachel to the classroom where you ad Kurt were," she said and understanding quickly dawned on his face. "I saw you shake your head at Rachel."

"Oh," Finn said a bit densely. "Sorry for getting mad."

"It's okay," she replied before she put the conversation together in her head. "Why did you lie to them?"

Finn looked down and then put his head in his hands. "I couldn't do that to Kurt. Not after he'd just been rejected."

"You have to tell him some time."

"Not if I decide not to go."

Tina tilted her head at him with confusion. "What? Pace is a great school, why wouldn't you-,"

"I'm not ready for it!" Finn stood up and Tina flinched a little at the sudden movement. "I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know how I got in!" He paced the floor and pulled at his hair. "I don't have Rachel anymore and I don't know anyone in New York. I don't know the first thing about acting."

"Which means you're _naturally_ talented, Finn. It means that with training, you'll be even better."

"What if I was a fluke?" He said it in a whisper, as though he was afraid that hearing it would make it true. "What if there was a mistake and they thought I was someone else and there's some smart actor out there who thinks he was rejected?"

Tina stood up and stopped Finn's pacing. She put a finger to his lips. "Stop it, Finn. Colleges don't make mistakes like that. They liked you and that's it, okay? They saw how extraordinary you are and they wanted _you_, Finn Hudson, at that school."

Finn was quiet and just stared at her. She stared back and she knew what was going to happen before he even began to lean down to her.

Which meant that she could stop it this time.

She put her hand on his chest and gently pushed him back.

"I'm still with Mike," she whispered, and his eyes got wide. He backed away and held his hands up.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-,"

"Finn, calm down,"

"I'm just ruining your life-,"

"Stop!" she cried, and Finn froze. "Stop saying things like that. I made my own mistakes and my own decisions. So did you. We're not kids anymore, Finn. We do stupid things and I'm sure we're going to do more stupid things in the future. We just have to deal with those things when they happen."

He pulled her into another tight hug and this time, she hugged him back even tighter. They were so lost in their own world that they didn't hear a car pull into the driveway and someone bound up the stairs.

The door opened and a voice yelled, "Hey, Finn, it's me! Kurt sent me to—oh."

Tina and Finn jumped apart and stared like deer in headlights at a very confused looking Blaine, who stood in the entrance of the living room.

They all froze for what felt like hours, but then Tina came to her senses and ran out of the house. She shut the door behind her and leaned against it, releasing the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. Of all of the people to see that, did it have to be Blaine Anderson?

* * *

Blaine and Finn stared at each other a moment after Tina ran out, then Finn rushed to explain.

"We weren't doing anything," he said. "I asked her to come over and talk to me after I got my letter from Pace and after Rachel broke up with me."

Blaine's eyes widened. "Rachel broke up with you? You got your letter from Pace? You called _Tina_ to talk to?" He shook his head as though to clear it and continued before Finn could answer any of his questions. "Why not Kurt or Puck?"

Finn honestly didn't have an answer. Well, he did, but that would require explaining what happened with Tina, because that was definitely one of the problems. He'd called her because she would understand that.

"Tina and I are old friends. I knew she wouldn't judge me for anything I might have done wrong."

"What could you have done wrong?" Finn didn't answer, so Blaine continued. "Finn, you can talk to me. I can keep a secret."

Finn scoffed. "From Kurt?"

Blaine hesitated. "If I need to, I can. If he doesn't need to know, I won't tell him." He paused, and then added. "I want to be your friend, Finn. I know we might have had our differences in the past, but if this is tearing you up, then I think you should talk to someone who isn't as deeply invested as anyone else in the Glee Club. Not that I don't care," he amended quickly. "I just don't have the connection that the rest of you guys have yet."

He had a point. Everyone else would take a side; he knew they would. Well, except maybe Tina, if she wasn't one of the core players in this whole debacle. He gestured for them to sit down and they did, Finn in the armchair he'd been in before and Blaine in Tina's spot on the couch. Finn nodded and took a deep breath, praying that Blaine would keep this to himself. "I cheated on Rachel and got into Pace, but I didn't tell anyone except Tina. I mean, I told Rachel I cheated on her, but I didn't tell anyone but Tina that I got into Pace."

Blaine's eyebrows were high and his mouth was parted slightly in surprise. "You cheated on Rachel?" Finn nodded and the smaller boy seemed to ponder something for a moment. "It was with Tina, wasn't it?"

"What?" Finn said, his voice almost squeaky and his whole body tensing.

"That day she blew up in Glee Club and you followed her; it was then, wasn't it?"

"Where are you getting this from?"

"You both acted super-weird after that and now you call her when you're all broken up about it? You called her because she was the only one who understands what you're going through and _that's_ because she's the one you did it with."

"We didn't do…_it!"_ Finn hissed.

"I just meant the cheating. Sorry, I could have phrased that better. What did you two do, anyway?"

"We just kissed," he paused. "A few times," he admitted.

"Did you kiss in Chicago, too?"

"Okay, dude, are you psychic or something? Because you're starting to freak me out."

"You two disappeared during rehearsal that day, and you came in a few minutes apart. There's only so much you can do in a hotel hallway."

"So you've known this whole time?"

"Oh, of course not," Blaine looked way too happy about putting it all together. "I didn't put it together until you said you cheated on Rachel. Now it all makes sense." He was practically beaming and Finn had the urge to smack him.

"Well then… yes, it was with Tina. But it's not going to happen again. She loves Mike and that's the end of it."

"And you love…?"

"What?"

"Well, you make it seem like the reason you two can't be together is because Tina doesn't love you, not that you don't love each other. Do you love her?"

"Of course I love her. We've been friends for years."

"You know what I mean," Blaine said with a judgmental look that Finn was used to getting from Kurt. They really were made for each other.

"Well, even if I did, it wouldn't matter."

Blaine seemed to realize that Finn wasn't going to talk about anymore, so he switched subjects. "So what are you going to do about Pace?" Finn sighed.

"I have no idea."

"You should go," Blaine said encouragingly. "You're a good actor."

Finn eyed him dubiously. "You've never seen me act."

"Sure I have!" Blaine answered brightly. "You act when you perform all the time. You're like a totally different person. And I've seen videos of when you guys did Rocky Horror."

"Someone recorded that?" Finn asked, horrified.

"Yep! Kurt did. You were great as Brad, Finn. A natural." He looked down at his watch and gasped. "Crap! I was supposed to pick up Kurt's laptop and take it to the school. He's probably so mad." He stood up and jogged out of the room and down to the basement. When he came back up, he was about to leave when he noticed that Finn was still in the living room, not having moved an inch.

He smiled sadly and walked over to him, tugging him up and pulling him into a hug. Finn stiffened at first, surprised by the gesture, but he eventually returned it. He sure was hugging a lot today.

"Everything is going to work out, Finn. But you're going to have to be honest with your mom and Kurt eventually, you know that right?" Finn nodded. "Call me if you need anyone to talk to, okay? Don't hold it all in. It'll make it worse." He sounded so knowing that Finn wondered if maybe there were things about Blaine that he didn't know.

"Thanks a lot, Blaine. You really helped." The smaller boy beamed and Finn made a mental note to do something nice for him in the future. Maybe he could try to stay awake through Moulin Rouge or something.

* * *

The look in Mike's eyes was enough for Tina to wish she had never even _met_ Finn Hudson. She would do anything to never have to see Mike look so broken ever again.

"Tina I…I don't understand. I don't know what I did wrong," his voice broke on the last word.

"Mike, it wasn't you, I _swear_ it wasn't you. I made a mistake and I'm begging you to forgive me."

They were sitting across from each other at opposite ends of Mike's bed. Tina had been there a million times before, but she had never felt so far away from him.

"What did you do with him? Who was it?"

Tears burned her eyes and she ran a hand through her hair before answering, "It was Finn. I kissed Finn."

She made herself look at Mike and barely noticed the tears finally spill over as he sat rigid with shock. He was looking at her like she wasn't even the same person anymore, and in a way, he was right.

"I'm so sorry, Mike; you have to believe how sorry I am. I know it doesn't change anything, but I need you to know how much I hate myself for hurting you."

Then the worst thing happened: he began to cry.

"Tina…I honestly don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"I won't blame you if you never want to speak to me again."

"I don't want to do that," he said quickly, and she looked up with hope. "I want us to be friends no matter what happens. But I've honestly never felt so hurt in my entire life." She looked down with shame.

"I think this is a sign," he said. "I think that this is just proving that we should split up."

"Mike, I don't-,"

"No, Tina, listen. I'm leaving soon and I'm going to Chicago. You're going to graduate and I know you're going to go to New York." She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off by lifting his hand. "Don't deny it. I know you have your heart set on New York. I knew it the moment we set foot in that city."

"Mike, I would have at least tried to find a school in Chicago."

He was quiet and Tina was afraid she said something wrong. "What? What did I say?"

Mike looked at her with a sad smile. "You said 'tried'. Past tense."

"Oh."

He nodded, the smile turning into a grimace. "You see? We might love each other, but neither of us is going to be able to do this. I didn't want to and I tried to convince myself that we could handle it, but we've been fighting more and more and now there's this."

"I don't want to break up, Mike," Tina said before crawling to him on the bed and letting herself fall into his open arms.

"Neither do I. But it's better we do it this way. I think we both checked out of this relationship a while ago and I don't want either of us to be an obligation to the other," he said into her hair, his voice muffled and distorted because they were both shaking slightly with their tears.

The sat like that for a long time, just holding each other and crying, both of them wishing that they could make any of this make sense.

* * *

Tina woke up nestled against Mike's body. They were half-sitting, leaning against the headboard with their arms tangled loosely together. It took a second before she remembered what had happened before they'd dozed off, and when she did, it was like a punch in the stomach.

"Mike," she said, rubbing his shoulder and then his cheek to try and wake him up gently. "Mike, wake up,"

"Wha-?" he grumbled before opening his eyes and suddenly looking very sad.

"I'm going to go home now," said Tina. Mike just nodded and looked away from her to stare at the wall. She opened her mouth to say something more, but decided against it. She nodded to herself sadly and stood up to leave.

"Sam said something about a New Directions sleepover at your house tomorrow."

Tina turned around and nodded. "Yeah, we were just going to invite everyone to hang out and if they want to stay, they can. My parents are out for a while."

"Am I invited?"

Tina smiled. "Well, you're in Glee Club aren't you?"

Mike gave her a sleepy grin. "Then in that case, I can't wait."


End file.
